How can we each contribute to a more positive, unified America that works together for the good of all Americans? We must seek what we share, find common ground. What do we all value? I suggest that we value kindness, honesty and health.

We value kindness and honesty because they are qualities that create trust. If I show you kindness, and I don’t try to trick or cheat you, you are more likely to trust me. When you trust me and I trust you, we can develop a relationship that will bring us each understanding and support. We value health because without it, we suffer. To be physically healthy we need adequate water, food, sleep, movement, and shelter. To be mentally healthy we need close relationships with others to provide understanding and support. To be spiritually healthy we need the freedom and time to connect with whatever nurtures our soul.

Parents and teachers seek these qualities for children. They seek to treat children with kindness and honesty. They seek to teach children to be kind and honest. They seek to provide children with what they need for health. They also seek to teach children many other things, but no parent or teacher I have ever met hoped for children to be mean or dishonest or unhealthy.

If we agree that we value kindness, honesty and health, then we can work to model those qualities for each other and for children. We can argue about how best to achieve those qualities, but we will not hate each other for seeking those things. We can agree that we wish for all Americans to share these qualities, regardless of their many cultural differences.

What is the best way to create an inclusive school culture? How can a school leader promote a feeling of belonging for everyone in that school community: from the dyslexic second grader to the sole African-American in sixth grade, from the student whose parents speak Chinese at home to the divorced teacher trying to raise three children on one teacher’s salary, from the part-time worker in the cafeteria who struggles to pay his bills and has to work two jobs to do so to the elegantly dressed tutor who can afford to work part-time? Each child and adult in a school community has a different story to tell. Each one longs for connection, validation, affirmation.

Teachers strive to create classrooms where children feel valued and safe. One of the ways they do this is by building individual relationships with each of their students. To do this is much easier when their students have much in common with their teachers. White middle-class teachers understand white middle-class children more easily than they understand children with different physical features and different backgrounds, because they have more in common with them in terms of life experience, culture, and manners. Similarly, teachers who did well in school relate more easily to students who are doing well in school, just as teachers who struggled in school relate more easily to students who are struggling. Teachers who recognize this know that they must work harder to understand and connect with children who have less in common with them.

Unfortunately, not all teachers realize that children who are different from them in some way need more understanding. Some teachers unconsciously equate difference with something lacking in the child or the child’s family. If they start a relationship with a child from a sense or belief that they are somehow better than that child, it is difficult for that relationship to result in the child feeling valued and safe. When a school leader recognizes that some teachers devalue children unintentionally because those children are different in some way, he or she seeks ways to address that, especially if the goal is to have an inclusive school community. School leaders are in a uniquely powerful position because they can bring learning to teachers. They can bring training to their schools to help teachers and staff to recognize their unconscious judgments and learn ways to overcome these biases.

One teacher training program that is highly effective in giving teachers deeper awareness of their own attitudes toward others’ differences, while offering techniques for addressing these attitudes in positive ways that breed positive outcomes, is LivingSideBySide®, a training program offered by Legacy International. For further information, visit  www.legacyintl.org/livingsidebyside